I’ve Got Big Problems…

I have so much to be thankful for today, yesterday and tomorrow. So, as I write a bit about my “problems” this morning, please know that I am very mindful of how we all struggle in ways that feel unique but are actually quite common yet in no way not significant.

So, let’s go…

Here is something you need to know about me, I want to believe that my big problems in life only have big solutions. This belief allows me to sit stagnant in my big problems because I can convince myself that, right now, I don’t have the mental, emotional, relational, spiritual or even financial resources that I would need to tackle a big problem. So here I sit, justified and excused in my big problem that I hope I will be able to address down the road someday when things get better.

But here is the truth...my big problems almost always have small solutions.

Yeah, that is worth repeating, my big problems almost always have small solutions, and when I embrace this truth my self-centered excuses and justifications that have had me fearfully frozen in my big problems melt away.

For me, those small solutions usually look like a conversation with a trusted friend or a written plan (usually both) and certainly prayer. Most days you can find me either shaking my fist in God’s face or in an all-out sprint running away and hiding/ignoring or distracting myself from his grace, forgiveness and acceptance.

Is there a big problem that has had you frozen in the big solution mentality? The answer is still yes for me. Let’s take a small step towards accepting the notion of a small solution today and see what God does when we stop hiding from and resisting him as well.

-Robert Shryoc

Classroom Rules

For about the first five years of our family’s elementary school experience we put in place some fun traditions (some more fun than others). The one I want to share with you involves the Student Handbook that was given out on the first day of school every year. The assignment was to take the Handbook home and open to the first two pages and read aloud the Classroom Rules with your parents. “Upon completion, reviewing and agreeing to the rules, please sign (parent and student) at the bottom of the page and turn in to your teacher on the second day of school”, were the attached instructions.  At this point of our academic journey, I would say that our children were in the 5th, 3rd, and 1st grades. 

As we finished dinner, the kids brought me their handbooks opened to the pages of Classroom rules. I read each rule aloud and then asked them if they understood the rule before going to the next one. When I reached the bottom of the second page finishing with the last rule I asked my kids if they understood all these rules. Their cute little heads all nodded as they quietly said “Yes sir”.  I then asked if they agreed to do their best to follow all the classroom rules each day of the entire school year. More nodding and yes sirs.

What happened next was unplanned and completely freaked my kids out. 

I grabbed the two pages of classroom rules and ripped them out of the handbook, tore them up and threw them out. (Dramatic pause) 

I looked at them and said, “These rules do not apply to my children!” 

With their eyes the size of golf balls I spoke again before they could even ask, “what does that mean?” and simply said, “Now go to school and care for your teacher every day. Honor and respect her (or him) in what you do and say. In this process of caring, honoring and respecting, can you guess what happens to all these classroom rules? Every one of them gets followed.”  I went on to say, “I don’t want to raise you to be rule followers, I want to raise you to be a respecter and lover of people.”  

This story went on to become our roadmap as parents. We blew it daily but truly and humbly tried to raise our God-needing children in ways that addressed the deeper issues of their heart and not only their behaviors.  

By Robert Shryoc 

God’ Unpredictable Goodness

I have a good friend named Thomas.  Thomas has been in and out of treatment for alcoholism many times over the past 8 or 9 years.  About 8 months ago I got a call from him and he was pretty hammered. He had been released from treatment 6 hours earlier and managed to stay sober for about 4 of them.  Then, Thomas headed to the bar, took a seat and surrendered to that which still holds power over him.

He started crying when I answered his call and it took me a minute (or less) to put it all together.  In a tone of utter shame he said, “Man, I don’t know how or why, but as soon as I take my first sip of that first drink, what happens from there is completely unpredictable.”  Thomas cried some more.

My response was, “Thomas, what happens to you after your first sip of the first drink is COMPLETELY PREDICTABLE.  What’s unpredictable is what happens if you don’t drink.”

And then I looked inward and pondered how often I crave the familiar over the unfamiliar...the predictable over the unpredictable.  It seems that in my own brokenness and unhealth I will cling to my self-centered predictability over what I truly believe is God’s goodness cloaked in his unpredictability. 

I love the word forsake.  It’s definition is: To give up something formerly held dear. The word implies a trust relationship.  I cannot forsake something that is not close to me. So, in complete honesty, I have a trust relationship with my struggles and my ego. I nurture them, feed them, hide them and turn to them when I crave the familiar and predictable. God is calling me to forsake these relationships.

Will you join me in stepping out of my/our patterns of inward unhealth and predictability and into the safety and grace of God’s unpredictable goodness?

By Robert Shryoc

What Can I Learn From A Compass?

Do you know what a compass is?  Do you know how it works? These are questions I love to ask anyone on the journey of life (ok, I try to keep it a least somewhat contextual).  They have created conversations of depth, meaning and laughter many times.

So, what is a compass you ask?  It is typically a palm sized device, no batteries with a round dial and a needle inside that always points north.  “Now wait a second” most people will say they thought a compass tells them what direction the are facing...and they would be wrong.  The red end of the needle always points north and based on that we are able to determine what direction we are facing or heading.

So how does a compass know which way is north?  I love how many people have this vague recollection that it has something to do with a magnetic field somewhere.  Oh, they are so close! Yes, the needle in a compass is drawn to the magnetic field at the North Pole. Honestly, I have no idea exactly how it does that, but it does...and that is how a compass works.

Ok, so here is what I love about a compass...It does not rely on anything inside itself to determine what true north or true direction is.  It relies on an external, fixed, reliable, predictable and trustworthy source to determine true direction.

One thing I know about myself is that my heart and mind can be wickedly deceptive.  I can often convince myself of just about anything. That is why it is so important for me to have a faith, friendships and even family that will speak the truth in love to me as I share my thoughts and ideas.

Please do not hear me say we need to ignore that still, quiet voice because we shouldn’t.  BUT we do need a framework of faith and fellowship in which we can share our thoughts, ideas and maybe, most importantly our secrets. 

By Robert Shryoc

Main Ingredients vs Key Ingredient

So, in case you didn’t already know this, I am from Texas.  This means I love things like Tex-Mex, Blue Bell ice cream, Whataburger and of course, I LOVE CHILI!  The best way to enjoy a big bowl of steaming hot chili is with Fritos...some even call this a Frito-Chili pie (my mouth is watering as I write this).

With this hunger-generating knowledge about me on the table, I have a few questions about your own chili experience.  Are you a fan? Do you like to cook? Ever cook Chili?  

Here we go…

What would you say are some of the MAIN ingredients in chili?

• Meat (I mean I am from Texas)

• Beans (not optional)

• Tomatoes and tomato sauce

• Water

• Garlic

• Salt

• Shredded cheddar cheese

• and....FRITOS

Ok, we nailed it.  This is a great list of the MAIN ingredients for chili.  But, as you have probably guessed, I have another question.

What do you think is the KEY ingredient in my hot and delicious pot of chili?

Most of you are way ahead of me:

Chili Powder!!

You cannot make a pot of chili without chili powder.  I don’t care how great your meat, beans, tomatoes and sauce is; chili is not chili without chili powder.  Are we in agreement? It doesn’t take much but it makes all the difference and that is why it is a key ingredient and not a main ingredient.

Stay with me as we bring this home.  

Let’s talk about a journey out of addiction.

Who can tell me the MAIN Ingredients in sobriety/recovery?

• 12 Steps

• Meetings

• Having a sponsor

• Being a sponsor

• Helping others/being of service

• Taking it one day at a time

• Honesty

• Gratitude

These are all great MAIN ingredients of recovery and absolutely paint a picture of a recovering person’s commitment to this program.

But, what do you think would make the KEY ingredient in recovery?

In my opinion it is Humility.

Humility is the key ingredient in sobriety/recovery.

Listen to this definition of humility: freedom from pride or arrogance.  

Wow.  The Webster dictionary just equated humility with freedom.  I love that. This definition so beautifully correlates pride and arrogance with being bound, enslaved and certainly not free.  My pride and arrogance absolutely keep me bound to myself, my secrets and my deepest struggles and when I sprinkle them with humility I am set free.

So what does this even mean?

It means that I need people in my life I trust more than I trust myself.

It means I have handed over the car keys of my existence because the last time I sat behind the wheel of my life I was headed for a cliff doing about 110mph (figuratively speaking).

It means when someone speaks the truth in love to me I am not going to respond with pride or arrogance.

Humility frees me from the chains of my ego.  Initially it sorta sucks but man, does it get better.

I am headed to get a bowl of chili and some Fritos...wanna come with?

By Robert Shryoc  

Survival Movies and the 12 Steps

Here are a couple of great questions for anyone in recovery, “Where are you in the 12 Steps and why are you working them?”

The responses range from all over the place to even mentioning how they are not currently working them and need to get back in ‘the program’.  For those that are active in their Step-work the feedback on the second part of the above question is profoundly interesting. I think many in recovery expect to be asked Where they are in the Steps, How is it going, What are you struggling with, Who is your sponsor, but maybe not Why are you working the Steps.  “Isn’t that kind of obvious?”  The 12 Steps are a profound pathway out of self and for most in recovery it is what keeps them alive.  Simply put, the 12 Steps are a survival plan for countless addicts and alcoholics in long-term recovery. 

Let’s talk about movies.  I love movies. Not all, but most movies can completely suck me into the plot and have me laughing and/or crying in no time.

For this essay, I would like to know if you have a favorite survival movie?  Well do you?

Here are some of mine:

• Die Hard 

• Gravity

• The Martian 

• Rambo 

• Predator

• Hunger Games 

• 127 Hours (a great movie that many are not familiar with)

What about Castaway?  Maybe one of Tom Hanks’  best ever. As I share this illustration it is almost always brought up as an epic/quintessential example of a survival movie.

I mean, look at all that Hanks’ character Chuck goes through to stay alive in this movie:

• Plane crash

• Makes an unplanned attempt to paddle off the island

• Initial adjustment to life alone on an island (shelter, water, coconuts)

• Making Fire

• The tooth ache (time lapse…4 years later)

• He’s now advanced in his survival techniques

• Finds the sail

• Makes the rope

• Builds the boat 

• Launches the boat

• Survives storms at sea…loses the sail

• Loses Wilson (the volleyball) 

• Finally surrenders-sets the paddles adrift 

• Gets found by a boat, woken by a whale and rescued.

Wow, what an amazing story of survival.

It  is easy to see how Castaway can be mistaken for a survival movie but it isn’t. 

Castaway is a love story.

Chuck’s love for Kelly is what kept him alive on that island.

And if your approach to recovery is only survival, if you are using the 12 Steps as a survival plan you are missing the heart of them because they are more than that.  They are a love story...

A love story between you and God; a love story about  the people around us that represent acceptance, wholeness, challenge and safety.  A romance about a God who pursues us and woo’s us.

The 12 Steps are a love story between me and God, me and others and even about the love story between me and myself.

Step 4: 

Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

Step 4 paraphrased by me: 

Locking arms with another, I am determined to seek and destroy the thoughts, beliefs and actions of my past and present that I once thought disqualified me from the love and forgiveness of God and others. (do me a favor and read that again)

When our journey is only about who we are and not about who God is...Life becomes more and more about us and less about Him.  Things become more horizontal and less vertical. We begin to seek peace from creation rather than the Creator.

Will you join me today in rewriting my journey as a love story instead of a survival movie?

By Robert Shryoc